Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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