I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Randomize