She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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