You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
