Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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