I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
