Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
