So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
