I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
