a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Found your dick twin last night
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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