i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
