Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
