dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
we're so committed to being not committed
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
