I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
