Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Go christen that room with your naked body.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Randomize
