I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Randomize
