My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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