i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize