sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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