Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
