i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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