i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
