The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
we're so committed to being not committed
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
