whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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