yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize