I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Boobs speak an international language.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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