What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
