There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Can I color on your dick again?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
i believe in u and ur pee
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
