forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I cockslap morals
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
