dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
You left your phone here
Wait...
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