I skipped work to stalk him.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
