...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
