Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I stole a fireplace last night.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
