I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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