I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
