at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize