life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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