yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
