If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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