Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
