remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
