The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
