i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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