Where did you get a picture of my penis
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
