shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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