i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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