I think I am morally bankrupt
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
