Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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