i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I just want to make out with him forever
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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