I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
