Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
