His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
