I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
