I just pynch a tree in the face
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
