On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
that is very illegal...i love you.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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