new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
