He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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