these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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