so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
