Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
