I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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