Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
