You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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