I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
