I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
