Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
