Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
