Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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