Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
