Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
