He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
