I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
