4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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