Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
