Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
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