so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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