it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
