I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
