Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
