I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize